Take A Walk In My Postpartum Shoes (Part 1)

September 1, 2015April 26, 20163 Comments

by, Danni Starr

An open letter to all the moms, soon to be moms or family supporting moms!

On December 31st, 2011 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! It was something I had dreamed about for so long. I remember the day after she was born crying on the phone with my midwife because I was so overwhelmed. She was so little and I didn’t really know what to do.

Being a little overwhelmed is common, medical specialists call it the baby blues. Post-birth, most moms (as many as 85%!) experience some form of the baby blues. This could be feeling irritable, exhausted, needing to cry for no reason or worrying that you won’t be a good mom.

I did not have that. I had something that damn near sucked the life out of me.

Once we returned home from the hospital, I rarely got off of the couch for 30 days. I got up to feed the baby and change her…I didn’t even eat. I remember just feeling so weird. Everything was robotic. Must feed baby, must change baby…I don’t even remember enjoying any of it.

I remember my husband picking me off of the couch giving me a hug and saying babe, you do not smell good…I am going to take you to the shower. He literally stripped me down and put me in the shower and helped wash me. Many times with post-partum depression (PPD) the mom is too tired to notice the symptoms, and it is a husband, partner, a family member or friend that shares that something just isn’t quite right. I am thankful for my supportive system every day.

One night I was so tired that I actually Googled how many sleeping pills I could take without dying. I didn’t want to die, but I did want to be pretty close so that at least I would sleep for a few days. I literally had a bunch of pills laid out on the ottoman. I started to down them and then I thought. What if I am unconscious and she starts crying?! Nobody will hear her. I didn’t want her to cry and not have help. So I begged God to let me fall asleep and I threw the pills away. She saved my life.

Then the paranoia set in. I started to think that something very terrible was going to happen. So I started to place emergency items around the house. Things I would need to run away with. I made sure not to be too obvious because I didn’t want my husband to be on to me. One day he left to go to the store. I remember it so clearly, “babe I’m running to the store be back in a few.”

He stepped out of the house and I threw all of my emergency items in a bag, grabbed the baby and ran.

My grandpa was staying in a nursing home at the time and I knew nobody would look for me there so I went to his house and I hid out. I had NO contact with the outside world for days. Yes, I kidnapped my own child because at this point I was pretty unstable.

My husband and best friend were texting like crazy. Finally about ten days in I received a message from best friend which said, “I love you, but right now I have to love your baby more and I will call the police because I know you need help.” I finally told her where I was but begged her not to come. She sent a family friend who is a nurse to see me.

The nurse showed up and told me I had postpartum depression. I had no idea that 15% of new moms experience PPD which is way more intense than the blues, and encompassed so many of the things I was feeling and thinking. But at the time I didn’t know any of that, all I knew is that I just wanted to disappear. I hated everything, I couldn’t function and I was mad that I wasn’t connecting with such a precious little baby.

I never wanted to hurt my baby but I know many women who suffer from PPD do, and I would be lying if I said that I never wanted to hurt myself.

I don’t even remember when I started feeling better. There is so much about that time that scares me, so much more that I could share, but even writing about it makes me feel horrible. It’s a place I NEVER want to return to, and I would NEVER wish it upon anyone.

There were periods of time where I felt that I was bordering on insanity.

Follow the rest of my story in my Part 2 post publishing October 9th – National Depression Screening Day. Take care of yourself!
Danni Starr
Danni Starr works daily as co-host of the nationally syndicated “The Kane Show.” Danni fell in love with radio at 19 and 11 years later, she still considers it her first true love. As a Mother and wife Danni is the “Den Mom” to the show & offers open, honest, opinions and advice.

The above story is adapted from Danni’s original post: https://www.facebook.com/notes/danni-starr/take-a-walk-in-my-postpartum-shoes/572481839449596

Get Support

Postpartum Support International: 1-800-994-4773 or postpartum.net
National Postpartum Depression Hotline: 1-800-PPD-MOMS

References and Learn More at

AWHONN’s Mood and Anxiety Disorders in Pregnant and Postpartum Women Position Statement

Postpartum Depression

The Things You Do Make a Difference

August 25, 2015April 12, 20182 Comments

by, Traci Turchin

“But we had this for dinner LAST night” the five year old says. My joke with the nine year old falls flat because he’s too busy sighing over his lack of clean socks. “That’s IT!” I tell my husband with a wink, “I’m running away from home and going to work where I’m appreciated!”

I’m one of the luckiest nursing students in the world. By day I drown in books and deadlines and elementary school paperwork and laundry, but by night I work as a CNA at the birth center of my local hospital. I know, while the little efforts at home might go unnoticed, no small kindness is missed by our patients.

We tuck those small kindnesses into our hearts and carry them around, forever grateful. Continue reading →

Beginning Breastfeeding, Breaking Down Barriers

August 3, 2015July 19, 20161 Comment

by, Summer Hunt

You’ve heard it time and again: Breast is the best. But many moms-to-be express concerns over breastfeeding, from doubts about their abilities, to time constraints, and everything in between. However, moms who have experienced challenges and broken down breastfeeding barriers will tell you this—it’s worth it.

Same goal, different struggles

Pictured above: Erin and Hung Lee with Emersyn, Paxten and Mylo

“Just because something is natural doesn’t always equal easy,” says Erin Lee, RN, BSN, IBCLC, mother of three. As a registered nurse (and now a board-certified lactation consultant), she was fully aware of all the benefits and knew that she would breastfeed. What she couldn’t predict, though, was how many bumps in the road she would encounter.

“I had a long intense labor, and they had to use some suction to get my daughter out,” she explains. “She had a strong oral aversion, and I had flat nipples, which made latching almost impossible. On top of everything else, she was extremely jaundiced. I wanted and needed to breastfeed her, and I was determined to—but it wasn’t easy to get started.”

Lindsey Grissett knew before her daughter was born that she would breastfeed. “It was just something that made enough sense to me not to question,” she says. “I was further encouraged to educate myself on it by both my doctor and my husband.” Birthing at a Baby-Friendly® hospital meant Lindsey had a lot of support. “I was signed up for breastfeeding classes well in advance, and I don’t think I had a single question go unanswered,” she says. “I felt both mentally and physically prepared.” Shortly after giving birth, baby Emma latched right on as both mom and baby got the hang of things.

Breastfeeding wasn’t without its challenges for Lindsey, though. “There were times when I would stand in the shower, stare at the wall, and wonder how it was possible for an individual to function on so little sleep,” she recalls. It felt like the baby was hungry all the time… I was exhausted.” Lindsey learned a lesson in patience and teamwork as mom and baby found their rhythm. “It’s a process—you have to use different hand movements, massaging your breast to get the milk flowing while trying to get her mouth in the right place… or else all that hard work literally just leaks away.”

Finding help when you need it

For Erin, having the support of an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant® (IBCLC) made it easier to focus on one thing at a time. “Even though I’m a nurse, she saw things I couldn’t see,” Erin says. “She realized my daughter was jaundiced. She also helped me establish smaller goals instead of worrying about getting her to latch. I pumped my milk so we could focus on feeding her and getting her to gain weight. Then we worked on overcoming her oral aversion, and then… she latched!”

Pictured above: Lindsey and Raymond Grissett with Emma

Lindsey agrees that a lactation consultant was a huge help. “They called a few days after being discharged, asking if everything was going okay. They set up appointments for me to come in, show them my progress, and make sure she was taking in enough.” It was a lactation consultant who recognized that Lindsey’s baby girl was also jaundiced, she adds. “Several months after I had Emma, I still received phone calls to see how I was doing. I was so well taken care of!”

An indescribable feeling

While you can read a bundle on the benefits of breast milk, there’s one thing that you can’t find in a class or a book—the physical and emotional closeness that develops between mom and baby. “The bond you feel while you’re feeding your baby… it’s incredible,” Erin says. “Until you experience it, you can’t know how powerful it is.”

“The most valuable thing about breastfeeding was definitely how close it brought me to Emma,” Lindsey says. “There so many times when I just wanted to sleep, or eat, or shower in peace… but even when I was at the end of my rope, it was such a great feeling knowing that she needed me. That was my motivation to keep going.”

Turning lemons into… breast milk?

After a difficult breastfeeding journey, Erin knew she could use her experience to help other women. “I was working in pediatrician’s office, and I shadowed the IBCLC there, seeing the moms and babies come in, some of them having the same issues I did. I wanted to help them overcome it—I became very passionate about it.” She became an IBCLC in 2013, and in 2015 she cofounded a private practice lactation business.

“Most people will encounter some sort of struggle,” she says. “For some it might be a few days or weeks, others might take months to get the hang of it. Just because the baby doesn’t latch right away, or you have a little discomfort at first doesn’t mean it’s the end. With the right support system, you can do it. It’s so empowering—being able to provide this essential need for your baby.”

For first-time moms (or first-time breastfeeding moms), Erin offers up this advice:

Educate yourself. Not just about the basics of breastfeeding, but also on normal infant development. The more you know, the more prepared you’ll be for what’s to come.

Build a support system. Find a health care provider that’s supportive of breastfeeding and understands that it’s something you want. Find an IBCLC, and attend La Leche League meetings even before you give birth. Talk to your mom if she breastfed, or your friends who did – these are the people you’ll be texting at 1am when you’re at your wit’s end and you need someone to tell you it’s going to be okay.

Be gentle with yourself. Your only job right now is to nourish your baby. The rest of it, cleaning the house, putting dinner on the table, losing baby weight… it can wait. You take care of your baby—everything else will fall into place.

Summer Hunt is the editorial coordinator for publications at AWHONN.

Resources for Moms

Ask Our Nurses: How Will My Baby and I Begin Breastfeeding? (video)
Ask Our Nurses: How Do I Prepare For Breastfeeding? (video)
How to Overcome the Challenges of Breastfeeding (article)
Breastfeeding Fixes (article)
Download our brand-new Breastfeeding Parent Pages here.

Erin Lee, RN, BSN, IBCLC has worked as a registered nurse in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Boston Children’s Hospital, Georgetown University Hospital and All Children’s Hospital, among others. She is the cofounder of Suncoast Lactation Consultants in Bradenton, FL, where she lives with her husband and three children.

Lindsey Grissett is a mental health community court liaison in Anniston, AL, where she lives with her husband and daughter. She enjoys working out, traveling and hanging out with her family, and watching her little girl grow.

Postpartum Recovery Tips for Moms from Our Nurses & Midwives

July 14, 2015July 15, 20154 Comments

In preparation for your new arrival it is likely you will take classes, read books and get advice from friends and family on how to take care of your new baby.

What you can easily forget in all the excitement is that you take care of yourself too!

To help you focus on YOU, we recently asked our nurses and midwives what postpartum recovery advice they give their patients.

We received advice for you from over 100 nurses!

Take note of the clear themes – limit visitors to take that time to bond with your new baby, accept help from others, do skin-to-skin and sleep when the baby sleeps!

Good luck in all your new parenting adventures!

Top 20 tips from our nurses and midwives:

Absolutely choose a hospital for the care you will receive and not the new beautiful building. You’re much more likely to receive a positive birth experience and the education you receive from your postpartum nurses will make all the difference in the world.
As a former postpartum nurse, I noticed how often new mothers put their needs last. It seems often families look at postpartum time as party time. I have seen c-section moms sleeping in the same room as 15-20 family members talking loudly and passing baby around for hours. My best advice is for new mothers to have 1-2 designated family helpers to be there to help care for baby while she gets much needed naps throughout those exhausting first days. Baby’s hunger cues are often missed when there are too many visitors for long stretches of time. It is difficult for new mothers to set limits.
Don’t be afraid to ask people to leave. I have seen so many new mothers that are worn out from feeling like they cannot turn people away. Turn off your phone too. I wish I did for the first couple of days.
Breastfeeding is an acquired skill for you and baby, be prepared to be patient and try, try again. It is a wonderful thing for you both, but needs to be learned. Do not suffer in silence, please contact your OB/midwife for lactation nurse help/referral if you are having difficulty with latching and/or very sore nipples.
Sleep when baby sleeps.
If you had a cesarean, take a pillow for the car ride home to support your incision for the bumps in the road.
Use the Dermoplast (benzocaine topical) spray before having a bowel movement…it’ll make the process a whole lot more comfortable and a lot less scary.
If someone offers to come over so you can shower, take them up on it. For c-section moms remember not only did you have a baby, but you had major surgery.
Trust yourself and your instincts. Pick and choose the advice, tips, expert advice etc. that works for you. And know that if you’re worried about being a good mom, you already are.
Padsicle! Pad, ice pack, tucks, then a spray of Dermoplast.
Know your body. When you get home, use a hand held mirror to look at your perineum or you cesarean section incision. This way, if you experience problems, you will have a baseline to know if something is different, for example: increased swelling, redness, tenderness, or drainage from incision. It is helpful in knowing when to contact your physician with these issues.
Limit your visitors. You will not get this time back. Use it to bond as a family, seek help with breastfeeding. Skin to skin is the best bonding tool! We want to help you succeed with breastfeeding. You can press your call light for every feeding if you need to. Your baby needs your love and protection. You are your baby’s primary advocate. Not all mothers’ choose to or are able to breastfeed. How you feed your baby is your decision and your nurse will support you. Ask visitors to wait until you’ve been home for at least a couple weeks. Settle in, recover. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If someone wants to visit, ask them to leave their little ones at home.
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Keep drinking water to flush out the excess fluids and keep hydrated. Accept help from anyone willing to cook a meal, run errands or do housework so you can rest and spend more time enjoying your new baby. Get outside for a walk. Fresh air and activity help to restore and rejuvenate sleep deprived minds and bodies as well as improve the blues!
While planning your new routine, ask someone to watch the baby for an hour of each day for you to spend as you please.
Good nutrition is key. Have a healthy snack each time you feed baby if you don’t have an appetite. Try to get a good four hour blocks of sleep several times a week. Ask support people to change, burp, comfort baby and only bring baby to you for breast feeding to extend your sleep when tired. Have a good support system and don’t be afraid to ask them for help. Soak up the sun when you can. Have an enjoyable activity to look forward to each week. Try to get out of the house, but if you can’t do something you enjoy at home or pamper yourself. Relax and enjoy your baby. Use what works for you and don’t try to follow everyone else’s advice.
Accept offers of help and assistance with meals, cleaning etc. I tell father’s to give moms one uninterrupted hour to herself each day. She can bathe, sleep, read, or anything that she wants for that hour. Daddy needs time to get to know baby too!
When you get home, set visiting hours and have each visitor bring groceries or food (they’ll be thrilled to get what you need). And stay in your pajamas. Most people will be less likely to overstay their welcome.
Once “settled” in with the baby reach out to a Mother’s group ( stroller club, baby sitting co-op, Mommy and me Gym or Yoga class), to get out of the house and receive and provide support to other new Mom’s.
Give yourself a break. Sit at the bottom of the shower and cry if you need to every now and then, parenting is hard work. Learning to breastfeed is hard work and so is incorporating another member into your family. Sleep deprivation and shifting hormones will, in fact, make you feel crazy at times but it will get better. You will find your new norm. It’s not all cute onesies and hair bows, it’s more like poopy onesies and newborn rashes, and that’s ok.
You’re stronger than you think! Don’t worry about what others might think. Enjoy every moment. Parenthood is a beautiful experience. Allow yourself grace & room to grow.

Do you have advice for new moms as well? If so let us know. We’ll keep rolling out the advice.

For additional resources for mom visit our Healthy Mom&Baby website!

Where nurses and families unite

Tag: advice